Insensitive
by Astrophel Thracius
Summary: 'If I had been more sensitive, if I had been more caring, if only I ran after him immediately' so much if's and what if's were going through my mind…then i found myself crying. HikaKao rated T in case i try something else.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Regrettably I don't own ouran high or any of its characters

I'm fifteen and I have a brother

I'm fifteen and I love my brother

I'm fifteen and I have the only friend I need

I'm fifteen and my heart is breaking, no it's shattering

I'm fifteen and I I'm hiding 'me'

"Hika, come on, get up already!" i asked while shaking my '_older brother'_

He turned and mumbled "kao…five minutes more…"

"Hika if you don't get up right now…. " I turned away and said " You're going to miss you're date with haruhi! I'm sure tono would _ love _to take your place" I giggled as he 'tsked' and finally got up

"Your clothes are on the chair and I already prepared your bath, you wouldn't want to spoil your _first date_ with haruhi because of your smell, would you?" i said with a hint of sarcasm

"kaoru you're so mean" he said as he headed to the bathroom…

I just grinned and as when I heard the door close…."you're the one who's being mean…."I whispered then I smiled bitterly to myself and sat at the edge of his bed

He went out of the bathroom looking as gorgeous as ever, I mean I know I have a great fashion sense, what more to expect from the son of my mother but all the clothes just suit him

I smiled "yep you look great but... 's missing?" I rubbed my chin and 'DING!' I knew something was missing, I ran out of the room and came back with a bunch of roses."Perfect! now you can go on your date!"

He hugged me and said "Thanks kao" then he broke off and said "I'm going" I wanted to shout and cry and tell him not to go, I wanted him to stay with me. But I knew that he has to grow up, he found what he wanted and he's happy, who am I to stop him from getting it? I'm just his brother…nothing more, nothing less…I went to my room and I cried and cried and cried, I felt so helpless, so pathetic and disgusted at myself. I wanted to take everything away from him and make him see only me. And he says "thank you" to me, to the person who wants to strip him of everything, who wants to lock him in a cage and never let him go, what kind of person am I?

I continued crying, I wrote everything I felt and as I was reading it I heard a knock and a soft voice spoke "Kao? Are you asleep?" I looked at the clock and found out that I spent the day just like that ' I didn't eat anything since morning, no wonder I'm hungry' I thought then I grabbed a mirror and looked at myself 'good, it doesn't look like I cried'

"Nah, come in, I'm awake now" I called from the other side of the door

In came a bouncing hikaru, he told me the wondrous story of his date. At first I was nodding and praising him, while leaving some sarcastic remarks from time to time. Then I got lost in my thoughts. Don't get me wrong, I love it when he tells me stories but it depends on the subject, hearing him talk about haruhi and their date, haruhi and their date and haruhi made me feel partly happy but majority of me was suffering and dying to take him away from her.

"-and you know haruhi…" I really ought to listen if I don't want him shouting if only I could-

"KAORU!"he shouted

" WHAT?" I yelled , I was taken by surprise and covered my mouth "oh, sorry I-" I was cut off

"I was telling you about our date and you aren't listening and now you shout at me? What's wrong with you" then I got so annoyed and I snapped

"No hika, what is wrong with _you_? Don't tell me you haven't noticed that I love you..ah.. I- I didn't mean.. tsk" I ran out of the house wearing my pjs I didn't know where to go so I just ran and ran then 'BEEP BEEP!' I turned my head and saw white…then nothing…

Hikaru POV

I stood there, dumbstruck about what I heard 'kaoru he, he loves me' then I realized how cruel I was, 'how dumb am I to not notice that? He had always been there for me and all I did was rub into his face that I loved somebody else but he always smiled..he always gave me advices he..he was always there to support me'

I snapped out of my daze with only one thought in my ' I need to apologize to him for everything' the ran out to follow him, I called out his name but he can't hear me, he was too far, then I saw a car, it was so fast and kaoru was running straight to the road….i tried to warn him..i tried to reach him…I was crying begging him to hear me out…but he never heard me….the car hit him…there was blood..so much blood….

"KAORU! KAORU!" I went to him, I was shaking as I reached out to check his pulse and I thank all the gods that he was alive, his pulse was slowing down

"Have you called an ambulance?" I shouted at the man who was driving the car, he looked so terrified well he should be, because I'll make sure that he rots in prison for what he did to my kaoru, I wanted to pummel him to the ground right there and then but kaoru is my first priority. Then I heard the siren of the ambulance and they took kaoru, I went with them while saying all the prayers I know. We reached the hospital and kaoru was taken to the emergency room and once again I found myself in a daze thinking about everything that had happened 'If I had been more sensitive, if I had been more caring, if only I ran after him immediately' so much if's and what if's were going through my mind….i found myself crying at the thought of losing my twin, of losing my brother …


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from Ouran High.

I sincerely apologize to those who have read the first version of this story, it was messed up but now I fixed it ^^ feel free to point out mistakes and your point of views on the progress or development of the story.

XxxxxChapter 2xxxxX

**Hikaru POV**

I was sitting there doing nothing but pray…again, that was all I could do. To pray and hope with all my heart that my brother would….stay alive….I prayed and prayed and prayed. Then I saw a nurse come out of the room. I ran to her and asked "how's kaoru? Is he okay? I-is he alive?" I didn't even realized that I was shouting till I saw the half-nervous and half-annoyed look on the nurse's face.

"M-Mr. hitachiin, please c-calm down, it would be better if you talk to the doctor, h-he'll be out in a moment, please take a seat" the nurse told me as she pointed to the chair beside the emergency room

"GODAMMIT! That's all I've been doing for the past few hours why can't you just tell me how he is?" I knew it was bad to talk to shout and that there's no point in getting angry at her but I couldn't help it, everything in my brain was a mess. I just want to know if he's going to be fine, if he's going to survive. I saw so much blood and he wasn't awake, he was barely breathing. I fell on the floor and sobbed "he-he looked so dead" the nurse took my hand and led me to the chair, she hugged me and told me "it's okay, mr. hitachiin, I'll be contacting your friends and family if you want me to phone someone specifically just tell me" I nodded at her and gave my cell "call haruhi, please" then put my face in my palm, I couldn't take anymore of this, the tension was building up in my chest in every second that passes .

"Hikaru!" when I heard that I thought I heard the voice of an angel and looked up. I saw haruhi and she embraced me. I felt my heart skip a beat and I smiled. I myself couldn't believe that I smiled after what just happened; maybe it's the haruhi effect?

"haruhi" I hugged her back "Kaoru's going to be fine, right? He will be, right?" I asked hoping that she would say 'yes' and tell me that kaoru will soon be by my side again

She tightened her hug and said "I don't know hikaru, I don't know"

'_Click'_ our heads quickly turned to the direction of the noise and we saw the doctor and kaoru being wheeled out of the emergency room. "Mr. hitachiin, I would ike to discuss some things with you" he said with a serious look that I didn't lke, it seemed like something is very wrong with kaoru.

I followed him to a room and I couldn't believe what I heard….

"ne kaoru, how're you feeling today? "I asked my twin then I stood up to open the window, it was summer and the birds were chirping "the weather's nice today isn't it? ne kaoru, do you want to take a walk?" I asked him, I knew he wouldn't answer, he was asleep, he's still sleeping after all this time

I took his hand and entwined our fingers "kaoru, please wake up I miss you, I miss your smile, your voice, your touch, I miss everything about you kaoru, please" then I cried, I always cried, every night, everytime I see our face in the mirror, everytime I'm reminded of him and I always do. I remember our times in the host club especially when we faked a fight and we changed our hair colors. I felt old remembering the old times. I chuckled softly and brushed my brother's hair.

I felt a hand gripping his mine "Hika..?" my eyes widened in shock as I saw the beautiful amber eyes of my brother. Ones that were Identical but at the same time different from mine

"kaoru! Kaoru! oh my God your awake!" I took my brother into a bone-crushing hug

"Hika..can't….breathe" he said trying to push me away with weak arms

"ahh..sorry" I pulled away only to see his face and feel the joy shoot up my spine then I hugged him again this time I did it gently " you're awake kaoru, you're finally awake" I cried by that time, I felt do relieved that I had cried, it was so cliché. I was the one who cried and not him, I was the one who seeked comfort.

"Hika don't cry, look I'm fine aren't I?" he said as he put both of his hands on my face and kissed me gently.

"I missed you, I missed you so much, all of us did" i kissed his forehead then I called the doctors so they can look at kaoru's condition. After that I told him about what happened in the past seven months that he was in a coma, I cried occasionally when I remembered how he looked in the first few months, but this time he was here by my side, giving me comfort and assurance that he wasn't going anywhere anymore.

**Kaoru's POV**

"Kaoru, let's go home" my older brother said as he placed his hands on mine and pulled me into a passionate kiss, one that only lovers shared. That's right we became lovers he even gave me a ring and told me that when I recover we would be married in Canada and that he doesn't mind what other people will say. He said he loved me too much and he realized that when he almost lost me.

"yeah, I want to see what changed this past seven months" I beamed and smiled. I was happy that I can finally get out of the hospital, I would still be in a wheelchair for quite sometime though and I'll be coming back for therapies after all it's hard to use a body that has been left unmoved for seven months, it felt….weird.

I'm eighteen and I have a brother

I'm eighteen and I have a lover

I'm eighteen and I have the all the friends that I need

I'm eighteen and my heart missing something

I'm nineteen and I found it

I woke up to the sound of the birds' chirping, I opened my eyes and saw the bed with no one on it, then I sat up, I felt something tingling in my mind and I remembered that it was our birthday we were turning nineteen

"Kaoru? You awake?" I heard hikaru call from the bathroom

"yeah, I'm up" I answered back

'it's been two years since that day' I sighed 'it's been two years since this pretending has started' I looked out the window and saw a bird's nest I saw the mother feeding her chicks and the father beside her. 'it's time to step away from my nest, isn't it? we can't stay this way, I can't be selfish forever' I ran my hand through my hair and bit back a sigh as I prevented my tears from falling. I knew that I had been hogging hikaru all to myself and holding him back from being with haruhi.

"Kaoru? What're you thinking about?"

"oh, it's nothing, just staring into space again I guess. Ne, hika?" I stopped.

"what is it? Kaoru?" he asked me using my full name, he never called me 'kao' again, and if he does it was only to make me happy, he often called me by my full name.

"i-it's nothing" I wanted to ask him how he felt about our relationship but I was afraid to know. I was afraid to hear him say that he doesn't love me and he's only doing it because he feels responsible for what happened to me. But I didn't want him to lie either, to hear him say that he loves me even though I see him every night looking at his ex-girl-…haruhi's picture with that longing in his eyes. I wanted him to be happy, but I couldn't bear to push him towards his happiness and away from me. I knew that he didn't make love to me because he couldn't bear to do it, I knew that he only kisses me to ease my worries. I knew all of it from the moment everything began but I let myself be swept away and drowned myself in lies and hopes that he would forget about her and love me instead. And now look at us, look at him, he wasted two years of his life to take care of me his handicapped brother who selfishly takes advantage over his kindness. But today everything will end, all the lies and all the pretentions that we did, I will end it all and show him his road to happiness.

"hika, can you go to the station and meet with haruhi there? I called tamaki and the rest, I told them to come here to celebrate our birthday but haruhi doesn't have a car so she'll be taking the train" I lied, I never called anyone.

"I can, but are you sure you'll be okay alone? I mean there are no maids around they're all having their day off and they'll be back at night, I'm sure tamaki or kyouya could go to the station for haruhi anytime" I saw a glint of worry in his eyes but I didn't mind it

"I'll be fine hikaru, it's been two years already and my migraine isn't that worse anymore besides it would only take an hour or so, I can take care of myself" I told him

"alright but first you have to bath" he carried me bridal style to the bathroom and bathed me, honestly I can take a bath by myself but he never let me bath by myself again after what happened last year

_**Flashback**_

_**Normal POV**_

"_Hikaa, I want to bath alone, you're always with me, I want to bath alone, please" kaoru asked his brother with his super puppy eyes_

"_haaa, alright you can bath alone but don't lock the door okay? And don't run, and be careful of the soap you might slip or you might fall or you might bump your head- on second thought I'll take a bath with you" the identical older brother was in a state of panic_

"_Hika, slipping and falling is almost the same thing and it won't be happening to me. I know you care for me and all but you're just being paranoid, nothing will happen, okay? Just let me take bath alone" the younger said as he pulled hikaru down so that their eyes meet one another's and the he planted a light kiss on the other's cheek._

"_I know. I know that I'm being paranoid but really what if you suddenly fall, I don't want anything to happen to you, I can't take it if something happens to you kaoru, I love you" he whispered as he hugged me_

"_hika I know you love me but man come on it's just a freaking bath, let me do it alone, okay? I promise I'll be careful" kaoru said with a convincing tone_

"_alright" the older sighed as he carried his lover to the bathtub and left the room_

_Kaoru was rinsing his body and watching the shadow pace back and forth in front of the translucent door through the shower curtain and soon he found himself chuckling at the image when it stopped and seemed to be gripping his hair probably panicking then it made its way to the door _

'_knock,knock' "kaoru, are you okay? Aren't you finished yet?" hikaru asked with worry overflowing from his voice_

"_yeah, I'm fine I'm almost finished" the younger of the two said as he tried to stand only to fall with a loud __**'SPLASH'**__ "ouch, I forgot about that" he said as he rubbed his now aching back_

'_**SPLASH' **__ "KAORU!" the figure quickly made his way through the door and was soon in front of his brother "kaoru are you okay?, what happened?" he asked as he touched all over the other's body checking if there were any injuries "are you hurt? Ambulance, we have to call an ambulance, oh my god" the smaller of the two put his hands on either side of his brothers face and slapped it in a gentle manner "hikaru, look at me, I'm fine, I just tried to stand up and failed, there's no ambulance needed, you hear me? Come on I want to get dressed, help me up?" Kaoru said as he held onto him _

_The older twin wiped his brother's body up then he spoke "you sure you're okay? Not hurt anywhere?" an evident worry was seen in his face_

"_yeah, I'm sure" the younger said, then his brother dressed him in his pjs and dried his hair, tucked him to bed hugged him securely. He never spoke again till the next morning but from then on Kaoru never took a bath alone again, more like hikaru never let him do so._

**END FLASHBACK**

'I have to say hikaru is still traumatized by that' I chuckled

"Kaoru? What's funny?" my lover asked

"naah, it's nothing brother, it's nothing" i smiled then it disappeared, i remembered that this would be the last time that this will happen. I was sad but at the same time the thought of hikaru finally smiling and getting his life back gave me a relieved feeling.

'Sometimes I think I'm crazy' I thought as I pull hikaru into a hug and into our last passionate kiss.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own ouran highschool hostclub

FINALLY! THE 3rd chapter! Muhahahahahha, I think this is the final chapter. I want to try adding lemons but I can't do them ….

XxxxxChapter 3xxxX

"Hika, why don't you go ahead and prepare our breakfast?" I said as I opened our cabinet and pretended to look for clothes, making myself seem busy.

"Alright, what do you want me to make?"

' I felt a twinge of sadness when he asked that, we always knew what the other wanted. We always ate the same food, used the same words, and had the same actions. We were identical in everything, before I blew everything up. But that was before everything happened, that was before I took his happiness away. That was before I let my selfishness take over me. If only I didn't let it slip. If only I kept everything locked away then we wouldn't be suffering. It's ironic but I had expected to die when I saw that car. I expected that everything would end just like that without me facing any consequences. If everything had gone that way then maybe my brother would have had his family by now, maybe he and haruhi would be together by now. Maybe everything would have been better…maybe he would be better off if I hadn't live through that. Maybe I should have died '

"Kaoru!"

"oh, sorry, I want pancakes" I smiled as I grabbed two random clothes and turned to his direction. I was startled when I suddenly saw his face inches away from mine

"kaoru, are you okay?" he touched my forehead and checked my temperature

"I'm perfectly fine hika, I was just thinking about something"…'how I'm going to leave you' I mentally added.

"kaoru, what're you thinking about? You've been like this since you woke up. Won't you tell me what's bothering you?"

His voice was full of concern 'one of the things that I would surely miss' I absentmindedly leaned forward, burying my face into his chest ' I would miss you hikaru, I would miss you dear brother. I love you'.

"I'm fine hikaru, in fact I'm feeling so well that it's almost surprising. Let's get breakfast later. It's been a while since we had a meal with the host club, hasn't it?" 'besides, I don't feel like eating' I thought.

"Kaoru, I'm going to call tono and tell him to go in my place, I really can't leave you right now. You've been spacing out an awful lot today and I feel like you're hiding something from me"

"Brother, I'm fine I was just thinking about our age, you know we're almost adults. That's all, don't worry about me. Go get haruhi, please?" I lied. I'm always lying, to you, to myself, to us. I'm always lying.

"alright, I'll be going now. Call me if you need anything, I'll come back right away, okay?" he said as he walk towards the door.

'well that was easy, I guess he's also excited about meeting haruhi' I felt so sad, as I watch him leave, as I watched the back that I had always chased. It was so close yet so far, I always wondered why I couldn't reach him. Now I finally know why, no that's wrong, I knew it from the moment I started chasing him. I just refused to acknowledge it. I just refused to accept that he was chasing another person on that track and he'll never look at my direction.

'crap, I still have to call haruhi' I quickly grabbed my phone and dialed her number. The phone started ringing but nobody was picking up. I almost ended the call when I heard a click followed by haruhi's voice _"hello, haruhi speaking" _"yo, haruhi, it's me kaoru, can you meet hikaru at the station and keep him busy for a while? I'm still preparing his present" "_uhm, ok but why me?"_ "well, it would be suspicious if tono or somebody else would take the train, they all have cars and chauffeurs" "_good point there. I'll go to the station now, maybe I'll be meeting with hikaru in 15 mins. And I can keep im busy for around 30 mins. I'll call you when we're about to go home"_ "thanks, haruhi!".

I phoned the rest of the host club and told them about my "fake" plan, though I didn't tell them to come to my house, just to play along and make up excuses to keep hikaru from getting someone else to go meet haruhi in his place. Well, I got to call everyone except for tono. 'oh well, I'm sure hikaru won't be able to talk to him either if his phone's switched off.

I took my backpack from our cabinet and took some clothes, ones that aren't flashy and are considered as "commoner's clothes". I wouldn't want anyone to recognized me. I took some cash with me then I wheeled myself to the table, took a paper and a pen then I started writing 'I wouldn't want hikaru to think that I was kidnapped or anything closely related to that' I started writing but I couldn't find the words to say. I just held the pen and started crying.

**Hikaru's POV**

I was already at the gate of or mansion but something tells me I should stay 'kaoru's acting strange and it feels like something's off. I really think I shouldn't leave him alone after all' I concluded my thoughts and pulled out my phone. I quickly dialed milord's phone number and it connected immediately. "yo, tono, haruhi's waiting for you at the station near our house, she said she wants you to meet her there" I snickered it's been a while since I played with tono and harui. Not since THAT incident _"really? My dearest daughter said that?" _our idiot prince said with a _very_ familiar voice. I could see his inner brain theater working. "yeah, she says you should hurry up or she'll leave if you don't come there in 10 minutes" _"oh my beloved daughter, your daddy's coming to your side! As fast as lighting!" 'toot,toot,toot,toot" _ the phone call was ended.

''Really, tono's still nuts over haruhi. He'll never change" I chuckled and made my way back to or mansion. I wanted to see kaoru, my dearest kaoru and that sad look on his face.

'I didn't know what was making him sad even though I'm always there with him' I felt the sadness overcoming me. I couldn't figure out what he was thinking of. He's changed, I've changed, everything around us did, everything except for my love. Two years ago, before that accident happened, I always asked haruhi for advice. Everybody knows that she's the best person to ask, she was honest and straightforward. I always went out with her but I didn't think about how kaoru would feel, I didn't even notice that he loves me. I knew I was the one who caused that accident and I couldn't help but feel awkward whenever I call out his name and whenever he tells me that he loves me. I wasn't worthy of his love. I took away his ability to walk and he's always getting sick because of that accident but his love and pure-heartedness never changed. I know that sometimes he holds back and never asks me to hold him because he's thinking about how I feel. I couldn't even fulfill my promise that I would marry him. I'm still scared, what if something else happens to him because of me. What if one day he finds another person to love and leaves me. I can't bear the thought so I ran. I ran to clear my mind. The breeze against my skin felt nice.

I went straight to the kitchen and drank water then I made a sandwich for kaoru's breakfast.

I was walking through the stairs when I heard somebody crying 'oh my god that's kaoru's voice' I let the tray drop, ignoring the shattered glass of water and I started running towards our room. I flung the door open and saw kaoru crying, MY kaoru was crying, he looked at me and started wailing. I suddenly felt a wave of anger, I would kill whoever made him cry. I ran to him and hugged him comfortingly

"kaoru, don't cry" I rubbed his back in soothing circles and whispered comforting words to his ear but he didn't stop he just continued crying and saying words that I can't make out. I took lifted him and we went to the bed. I was in a sitting position with my back against the pillows supported by the headboard and him hugging me with his face on the crook of my neck, crying uncontrollably. He just clung onto me and cried himself to sleep.

It hurts to see my brother like this and not knowing what to do. It was already afternoon when my brother fell asleep. I hugged him one last time then I shifted him into a more comfortable position

"I wonder why your crying brother, why are you so sad? Why won't you tell me?" I felt so useless. He was carrying everything by himself. I brushed his hair and kissed his cheeks then I remembered the tray I had dropped earlier 'I have to clean that broken glass, it wouldn't be pretty if somebody stepped on It'. I walked past the bed and saw something on the table. It was a small piece of paper with the words "I'm sorry for everything hikaru" I felt a wave of sadness because I knew who wrote that, kaoru did. I looked around the room and saw a backpack in his wheelchair. I looked through it and saw clothes, money and some daily necessities. 'Now I knew why he was crying, he was trying to leave but he couldn't do it, still why is he leaving if he didn't want to?'

I went back to the bed and placed my hand on his face "kaoru, why are you trying to leave me? aren't you happy by my side?"

"I am, I'm so happy and it's scaring me" I was startled when he suddenly grabbed my hand and spoke

"Why? What's there to be scared of? I'm here by your side. I'll never leave you, I'll always be here" I kissed his cheek.

"that's exactly the reason hikaru. That's why I'm scared. I-I already took your life..hic.. I-I took away your happiness… if I wasn't here then maybe you're already living happily with haruhi an-and you would have a family. I know that I've been selfish and I know that you're doing all this because you feel responsible. Hika, I love you and I truly want you to be happy but I…I-" he buried his face in the crook of my neck and whispered "I just can't see you with her" then I felt his tears in my skin.

'Two years, two fucking years and I didn't see how insecure he was. Two fucking years and I didn't get a hint about how he feels. How dense am I? It's just like that time, I still have no clue' I felt a single tear fall from my eyes to my chin. It was me all along; it was me who had been making him suffer.

"Kaoru, I'm sorry. Forgive me for making you feel like this. Kao, look at me…please look at me kaoru" he pulled away from me and I touched his cheeks "look at my eyes kao" he reluctantly looked at me then turned away. His eyes were swollen from crying and it makes me sad that I caused this and I didn't even know that I did. "please?" then he gave up and look at my eyes " I love you kaoru. I love you more than anybody in the world and I'm not doing this because I feel responsible. I don't want to be with haruhi, I only love her as a friend. Two years ago I always talked to her because I was seeking advices from her. I didn't love her as I love you. I'm sorry for making you feel insecure. It's just that I'm scared, scared of that you'll find another person to love. I was scared that something would happen to you again. It's my fault that you had to live in sadness for the past two years. I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything and I love you" I smiled when I saw that look on his face and he said "I-I don't know what to say"

"you don't have to say anything, I know what you're thinking" I kissed him in the lips like any man would if he knew that his wife was pregnant. It was a simple kiss that held so much meaning, affection, passion and love. It was the most breathtaking making kiss that we had from the first moments of our life till now.

Kaoru pulled away and told me "I love you too" then he turned as red as a tomato and he hid his face in the blankets.

"kaoru, come here" I held out my hand and saw him peeking out of the blanket then he moved towards me and hugged me with that silly blanket still covering his face.

'He looks like a caterpillar, a very cute one' I chuckled

"you bastard! You're laughing at me" a muffled voice came from the blanket

"yes, I am" I smiled 'this is the best day in my life' I knew it was and I'll never forget it.


End file.
